So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
