Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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