Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
