I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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