put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
