Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I stole a fireplace last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were trust falling into bushes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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