Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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