There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
