Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
