just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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