I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
