He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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