It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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