soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's just like the Real World with babies
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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