ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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