I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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