hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
