I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
