these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
