But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
