Non-Jews are for practice
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
