It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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