I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
