why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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