you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
