You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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