I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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