I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
