Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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