just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
