I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
