I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
