who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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