Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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