Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
