This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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