your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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