This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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