I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
