420 ftw
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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