U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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