Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we made out on top of his cat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
