You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
