found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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