There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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