Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
