Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
