Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
