remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
