I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
