Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
