So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
