Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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