dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
